Love Delusion: Chapter 17

“Xiao Ran, in fact, I hope you can take this time to adjust yourself. To be honest, I feel that, in your recent state, you’re not being as open with me.”

Due to a scheduling conflict, Dr. Zhou had contacted him in advance to reschedule their appointment. This was what she told Lin Anran over the phone.

“Just consider this as a vacation. I hope you can rest, make some adjustments, and not force yourself too much. If you have any questions, you can come to me at any time.”

“Okay.” Lin Anran’s mood brightened when he heard that he was to have a vacation.

Teacher Zhou’s voice smiled over the phone and said, “Actually, I sometimes feel that you are guarding against me.”

Lin Anran became embarrassed. “No…”

“It’s okay, I know your personality. But can you promise me that you’ll think about it during this time?”

Lin Anran said, “Okay.”

“Okay, I believe you. I’ll see you next week.”

“Goodbye, Teacher Zhou.”

After they hung up, Lin Anran stood by the window in a half-relaxed and half-worried state. He felt like a primary school student on the weekend before the final exam. Although he was very happy to have a holiday, the final exam a few days later also made him very anxious.

He lowered his eyes and dared at the darkened phone screen in his hand in a daze.

Teacher Zhou was right. Now that Lin Anran had Shang Hao, he felt as if he was pushing the people around him further and further away.

This was especially true during the past few counseling sessions. He had a feeling of increasing resistance in his heart. Not only did he not want to go out at all, he was building a tighter cocoon around himself.

On the first day he saw Dr. Zhou, she had already told him her expectations.

“Psychological counseling is a spontaneous and voluntary process. You should do it not for others, but to be responsible for yourself,” Dr. Zhou said. “This is the first thing you need to understand.”

“Knowing this, are you willing to come here every week from now on and actively cooperate with me in this process?”

At that time, Lin Anran was sitting in her consulting room for the first time. He was much more silent then than he was now. He nodded to her.

On that first day, his aunt had taken him to the counseling center and was waiting outside for him.

Had it not been for Lin Huiyan, Lin Anran wouldn’t be sitting there.

And facing her gentle and cautious face, he couldn’t refuse.

When Dr. Zhou saw that he’d agreed to her terms, she’d said, “That’s good. Let’s determine what time we’ll be meeting each week.”

It turned out that he couldn’t do anything but promise them. He was incapable of letting them both down, even if he also very much wanted to do otherwise. His character made it impossible for him to refuse.

From then on, Lin Anran ended up having to meet with Teacher Zhou once every other week.

He walked away from the window and sat back down in front of the computer. He opened up the interface of his mailbox once more. He didn’t know how many times he’d repeated this action today, so much so that it’d almost become muscle memory.

Nothing had changed. Even after refreshing a few times, his inbox had no small red dot to indicate a new message, and instead, it laid empty.

After he sent out his letter, all he got was an automated official reply full of polite words, thanking him for his letter and so on and so forth.

It was already the second day since he’d delivered the letter. He also properly left his signature and address on the letter…But, even if they’re in the same city, a reply letter shouldn’t be sent out so quickly.

Thinking of this, Lin Anran began to grow a little worried.

He seemed to be trapped in a strange circle, unable to escape. The more he wanted to ask for confirmation, the more confused he became. In the end, he was just going around in circles all by himself, doing useless work.

He leaned back against the chair, feeling weak. Shang Hao seemed to fill his head, and it suddenly reminded him that he’d forgotten something important.

He straightened his back and checked the internet for information about Shang Hao’s tattoo.

“I must have said I love you hundreds of years ago.”

It was like a love story, but this sentence was actually about missed opportunity.

If this was the case, in putting such a tattoo on Shang Hao’s body, was his subconscious mind telling him something? Did it mean that the two of them actually had a missed opportunity a long time ago?

——

After brushing his teeth, Lin Anran went back to the room and saw that Shang Hao was sitting on the bed, working on his laptop.

He walked to the other side of the bed, and when he sat down, Shang Hao kissed his forehead before going back to look at his laptop. Lin Anran took out his mobile phone to check if there was any news.

Today, Lin Anran applied to join a group chat.

He applied in the morning, but it wasn’t until this evening that the group leader finally responded to him.

In fact, Lin Anran had a natural lack of confidence and an embarrassed mentality toward group chats in general. When he saw the group number, he felt timid, unsure if he could integrate into the group.

However, the group’s brief introduction felt very moving.

This group chat group was a “You might be interested” recommendation from a website he’d come across when he was searching for relevant information on the internet as usual today.

He didn’t know how to characterize it, but one could say that it was a gathering place for people all over the world who were in similar situations as him.

It happened that Lin Anran was full of confusion recently, and so he thought that perhaps he could take a look and see how other people were dealing with it.

After some hesitation, he finally sent out an application tentatively.

It didn’t take too long for him to receive a reply. A number that looked like the leader of the group came to add him.

Group Leader: Hello, I am the leader of “Cross-Dimensional Love.”

Lin Anran sat upright without realizing it, and politely replied “Hello” to the other side.

He still preferred to communicate via textual dialogues, as opposed to face-to-face. It was within the range he could accept, so that he was less nervous.

Group Leader: There are some things you need to know before joining the group.

Lin Anran replied, “Okay.”

Group Leader: Be civilized in the chat, live in harmony, no personal attacks, no violation of law and social discipline.

Lin Anran conscientiously read the regulations. “Okay.”

Group Leader: Everyone communicating in the group chat are all fellow enthusiasts, and everyone brought their family members into the group. I hope you will respect that group members and their families after joining, just like everyone else is expected to fully respect you and your family member. Thank you for your cooperation.

Group Leader: I will pull you in first. Later, you can change your name note. I’ll explain the other rules in more detail later.

Lin Anran earnestly assured him, “Okay.”

Then he was pulled into the group.

After joining the group, the disciplined and law-abiding Lin Anran first read the group member rules carefully, and then scrolled down to see how everyone’s name notes could change, and he also changed his.

It should be said that the members of this group were really colorful. What he saw were “Yu Yan’s Wife”, “Gakki’s Husband”…There were celebrities, two-dimensional characters, and more. Half of the names were popular ones.

As Lin Anran looked, his eyes widened.

This was because he also saw that there was a family member of Ultraman in the group.

Lin Anran’s gaze stayed on the remark for several seconds. Recalling the group member rules in his heart, he swallowed back the words “Ultraman doesn’t exist in this world.”

Before joining the group he’d promised to respect other people’s family members. If he understood and respected Ultraman, Ultraman’s family member would also respect his Shang Hao.

Lin Anran took a while to digest the sentence that “Ultraman exists in this world,” and he slowly turned to Shang Hao beside him.

Because of his family Shang Hao, he now had to stand on Ultraman’s side.

Shang Hao asked, “What’s wrong?”

Lin Anran asked him, “Do you think there is an Ultraman in the world?”

Shang Hao: “…Are you feverish?”

He never thought that Lin Anran would look a little worried after hearing what he said. Lin Anran even sighed and said, “You have to believe in the light.”

Shang Hao: ?

Lin Anran continued to look back at the phone. Everyone was in the middle of chatting when he joined the group.

It seemed that the discussion of their experiences getting along with their other half was a daily topic in the group. Lin Anran flipped through the records so that he could compare his daily life with Shang Hao and tried to find useful clues to understand it better.

At this time, someone posted a news link to a report about a Japanese man holding a wedding with a virtual idol who he’d been in love with for many years. The person who linked the report asked everyone if they would consider getting married like this in the future.

The group discussed in depth the feasibility of getting married, and everyone who had ideas expressed their opinions.

Yu Yan’s Wife: Wait a minute. Let me ask Yu Yan, who is sleeping next to me.

Shang Hao’s Wife: Hold on, I’ll ask Shang Hao on my bed.

Lin Anran, who saw that someone else had sent this message: !!

This wasn’t right!

His ID was preemptively stolen by someone. Wah!

Shang Hao was obviously lying on his bed now!

Although he wanted to say this very much, on second thought, he realized that the other person probably thought so too.

Lin Anran was stunned. What should he do about this situation of having the same husband? There was no explanation for this in the group rules. He exited the chat interface and asked the group leader for help.

Group Leader: Same?

Group Leader: Then I’ll say sorry in advance. We must follow the principle of social ethics and strictly adhere to monogamy in this group. This kind of collision isn’t generally possible.

Group Leader: Really sorry.

Just as Lin Anran was about to post “Actually, I can accept the remark of ‘Shang Hao’s Husband’,” the notification showed that he’d been kicked out of the group chat.

Kicked out…

Lin Anran was stunned.

Wu wu, he knew it. He couldn’t fit well with other people.

He dropped his phone in frustration. Lin Anran, who was busy all day, was still going around and around in circles today.

In fact, he already knew that getting a response to the letter he sent was rather slim, but no matter how thin this thread of hope was, he didn’t want to let it go.

He buried his face on Shang Hao’s shoulder, breathed in the smell of his body, and shut himself down for a while.

Frankly speaking, it was good that he was kicked out. The words “Shang Hao’s Wife” just now made him really jealous. Lin Anran buried his face deeper on Shang Hao’s shoulder.

Just look at this family member next to him. This texture, these muscles, this body temperature, how could he not be Shang Hao? Lin Anran thought a little angrily.

Shang Hao looked down at him and touched the back of his head with one hand. He thought, Could the fact that there was no Ultraman in the world have dealt such a huge blow to this otaku?

He stopped looking at his laptop, closed the screen with one hand, and without speaking, leaned forward to press on Lin Anran.

Lin Anran asked him, “You’re not working anymore?”

“No.”

Lin Anran asked again, “Were you replying to emails a moment ago?”

Shang Hao pressed on his body. “No.”

As Lin Anran was pressed down again, he asked, “Then why don’t you reply to your emails?”

Shang Hao said, “Because I’m off work now.”

Lin Anran still wanted to ask him if he could work overtime now, but his instinct told him that it wouldn’t be a good idea to ask.

By this time, Shang Hao already put Lin Anran under him, but Lin Anran still had a question, “Do you reply to every email?”

Shang Hao: “…”

“What kind of emails will you not reply to?”

Shang Hao’s brows furrowed. He kissed the skin on Lin Anran’s neck, pulled his arm around him, and said casually, “Spam.”

Lin Anran became worried again when he heard this.

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