TIC Chapter 55: I Am Who I Am

When it came to washing dishes, Fang Zhiyuan didn’t leisurely take his time like Lin Fuqing. He just raised his hand to conjure water out of thin air and threw a cleansing spell, and it was over.

Lin Fuqing gently kicked the self-doubting purple luan aside and watched him leave. Then he leaned over to blow out the candle. “Zhiyuan, sleep here with me tonight.”

He said this in a calm tone, but he was sighing in his heart. After so many years, his little calamity star was still the same as before. He didn’t know whether he should be relieved or sad.

Although what he had said just now was a joke, given Fang Zhiyuan’s abnormal mentality of “not treating the star of calamity as a normal person”, if one day he knew the truth about what happened in the Mountain, Sea, and Stars Terrace that day, the consequences…Lin Fuqing didn’t even dare think about it.

The light flickered out, leaving behind a little moonlight. In the darkness, Lin Fuqing saw Fang Zhiyuan approaching him. His eyes were bright, his voice slightly hoarse. “I haven’t kissed you yet.”

While Lin Fuqing was momentarily stunned, Fang Zhiyuan held his waist with one hand and gently lifted his face with the other.

Lin Fuqing felt a slight heat in his chest. “You…”

Fang Zhiyuan lowered his head and lightly kissed him on the lips. “We’d agreed. With this kiss, we’re now a dao couple.”

After the light kiss, Fang Zhiyuan took a step back. He looked at the beautiful man in white standing so close, and he laughed to himself, “Is this my dao companion…? Feels like a dream.”

Lin Fuqing couldn’t help laughing along. He took the opportunity to move over and gently bite his lower lip. “Didn’t you say you won’t get married?”

Fang Zhiyuan covered his lips with a hissing sound and said with mocked anger, “It must be done.”

They got on the bed together and rolled around in the soft blanket. Fang Zhiyuan stretched out his arms and said, “Come here and let me hold you.”

Lin Fuqing obediently turned half over and rolled into his arms so that they were spooning.

Fang Zhiyuan hugged him tightly, closed his eyes and said, “Go to sleep.”

Lin Fuqing didn’t close his eyes. He whispered in the dim light, “Before, I had a vague feeling that you and I have changed a lot in the past hundred years, but when I think about it today, I feel that nothing has changed.”

Fang Zhiyuan had said that it was like a dream, and he felt the same way. Now when he looked back on the first time he’d met him, it had felt like a long dream.

Fang Zhiyuan didn’t know why Lin Fuqing was feeling nostalgic again. He responded with a low “hmm” and slowly dragged his lips across the soft neck that was like white jade.

“Zhiyuan…”

Lin Fuqing turned over so that they were facing each other, their skin touching. “You are my star.”

Saying that, he lightly brushed his lips over Fang Zhiyuan’s and whispered against his mouth, “Do you want to try dual cultivation again?”

=========

To recall the time when they first met, one must actually start a little bit earlier.

In the cold winter, snow was falling. The little immortal in white flew on pine branches, soaring up the cold mountain like a crane, and finally stopped behind the zhenren.

The handsome youth shook off the snow on his fur coat and bowed, “Master, Qing’er is back.”

At that time, there was no one else on Xuyun Peak of Taiqing Island, and there was no sect’s forbidden formation that prevented cultivators from flying.

Yin Changxin asked, “How was your travels these past ten days?”

Lin Fuqing shook his head sadly. “I… don’t understand it anymore.”

After following his master into seclusion in the mountains for two years, Lin Fuqing’s heart became unstable.

“Master, what is a savior immortal?”

At that time, while Lin Fuqing was feeding Yu Hongtang goat milk, he asked Yin Changxin, “I don’t understand. How to save? What is the world? What does it mean to be an immortal?”

He was born a mortal, and his heart was already tainted by the secular world. The concept of immortals seemed so far away from him.

When he was Su Xuesheng, the people around him praised him for his intelligence, calling him a child prodigy. He could learn anything at once and apply it to relevant situations.

After Yin Changxin brought him to the mountains, it wasn’t difficult for him to learn to cultivate.

This was the only thing he couldn’t figure out.

“Saving the world…There are good people and bad people in the world, should I save them all?”

“If I saved someone bad, and he killed someone good, wouldn’t it be better not to save him? If I saved someone bad, but he replays my kindness with hatred, wouldn’t it be even worse to save him?”

“What does it mean to save someone? If they don’t want to live anymore, do I force them to live? Would that be saving them?”

“It is said that good people don’t get good rewards. Will the savior immortal die young?”

“Even if he didn’t die young, if good people never get good rewards, can he really continue being a good person? Wouldn’t he feel wronged?”

“What is the difference between immortals and mortals? I heard that mortals can achieve enlightenment and become immortals. Can immortals also be demoted to become a mortal?”

Lin Fuqing bit his lip. “…It’s so confusing.”

Yin Changxin was overwhelmed by all these questions. He frowned and said, “…You think too deeply. It’s not that complicated. You’ll understand it in the future.”

Yu Hongtang burped and babbled. Lin Fuqing carried her to the crib, staring blankly.

It didn’t make sense to him.

In order to clear his mind, Lin Fuqing would leave the island and travel to the mountains from time to time, trying to find a solution from the world. But the more he saw, the more confused he became.

After he turned eleven, Lin Fuqing’s condition became worse and worse.

For a cultivator, an unstable mind would foster the growth of inner demons.

Lin Fuqing’s problem was that, from the very beginning, Yin Changxin asked him to be a savior, and so he used this as a foundation to establish his Dao heart.

Later, when Lin Fuqing thought back on this incident, he found it a bit ridiculous and didn’t have much to say for his master.

If even the great Mahayana master at Tribulation Crossing couldn’t fully explain such a concept as “saving the world,” how could a ten-year-old child be able to comprehend it?

Tragedy was almost an inevitable result.

This also proved that Yin Changxin really didn’t know how to raise children. Fortunately, the others were raised by their da shixiong.

On the day of the accident, Yu Hongtang cried and complained to her master, saying that Qing’er gege didn’t make her lunch and she was very hungry.

Yin Changxin went out to look for his young disciple, but even after checking through most of Taiqing Island, he still didn’t see him. Finally, he found the youth under the huge old tree.

…Lin Fuqing was kneeling among the twisted roots of the old sacred tree, as if he had lost his soul. He did not notice that Yin Changxin had walked behind him, but continued to stare up at the sky.

Yin Changxin called him, “Qing’er.”

Lin Fuqing jerked back, as if he’d suddenly been physically lashed out of nowhere. His face was pale. “…Master.”

Yin Changxin frowned. “What’s wrong? You didn’t even make lunch.”

The boy raised his head and stretched out his hands.

His arms were slender and soft.

And he was standing there under the vast sky.

Lin Fuqing murmured blankly, “Master, the sky is so huge.”

He only said this sentence, and then his slender body swayed and fell directly under the old sacred tree. He closed his eyes and fainted.

That night, Lin Fuqing had a persistent high fever.

Sometimes, diseases do not occur in the body but in the heart.

“Who am I? Am I the savior?”

The handsome youth was curled up in bed, his face pale as he sank into several layers of quilts. His mind was hazy with fever, but his eyes were open blankly, and his pillow was soaked with cold sweat.

“…Am I Su Xuesheng, or Lin Fuqing? I don’t know, I can’t figure it out…”

Yin Changxin had a complicated expression. He touched his burning forehead and sighed after a long while. “If you can’t figure it out, then just forget it.”

Lin Fuqing’s eyes were out of focus, his limbs shivering, and he murmured softly, “…Master, the sky is too big, Qing’er doesn’t know how to carry it… It’s too big. I’m just a mortal, I can’t carry it…”

Yin Changxin was silent for a moment, then repeated, “Don’t think about it. If you keep thinking about it, you will probably die.”

“I…” Lin Fuqing shook his head with difficulty. He covered his lips and coughed violently. Finally, he collapsed on the bed, dizzy and gasping for breath.

His hands drooped limply, and he was stunned.

The palm of his hand was a blinding red, covered in blood.

His eyes twitched at the sight, and he thought to himself in fear: It turns out that being a savior immortal really does mean that one may die young. How could the master not tell him in advance?

Since that night, Lin Fuqing’s cultivation had stagnated.

Yin Changxin told him not to think about it, and Lin Fuqing certainly didn’t want to think himself to death. But it wasn’t easy to rid himself of that dead end. He was trapped in it, and there was no escape.

Afraid of scaring the young Yu Hongtang, Lin Fuqing hid his abnormality in front of her. He continued to cultivate, to practice his swordsmanship, to water the plants, and to cook. But every now and then, he would hide out in the middle of the night, facing the waves under moonlight, trying to “comprehend.”

After almost a year of contemplation, not only did he not comprehend anything, but his inner demons became more and more serious.

After celebrating his twelfth birthday, Lin Fuqing couldn’t help but start to worry. What if he became possessed and died one day, leaving behind his lonely sister and his master who lacked the ability to care for himself?

That night, the little immortal sat on the edge of the cliff, solemnly writing his death note under the moonlight.

Suddenly, a dark and gloomy energy rose from the sea. Lin Fuqing’s hand trembled, and the brush that had just been dipped in ink fell into the waves.

He rode his sword along the waves, turning into a white shadow under the moonlight.

He had originally wanted to go and check if there were yin monsters harming Taiqing Island. Unexpectedly, he ended up fishing a scarred youth out from the sea.

The youth was unconscious, on his last breath.

Lin Fuqing brought him back to the island, shone a candle on him, and saw a scene he’d never seen before.

Before this, he could never imagine that a human body could endure such cruel pain. It was as if all the malice in the world was parasitic on this skinny body, sucking away the little bit of lingering vitality.

The youth known as the Star of Calamity woke up in the early morning of the fifth day.

Unexpectedly, there was no malicious intent. Instead, he was lonely and full of chill, like an ice-hardened blade.

He opened his mouth and asked for his iron knife, but Lin Fuqing was thinking about his brush that fell into the sea, so he just fished the knife out and returned it to him.

Then he pushed the boy, who was obviously anxious to leave immediately, to sit at the table and forced him to drink porridge.

Soon, Lin Fuqing found out the reason why he was so abnormal.

The moment when the light outside the window was blocked by the dark shadow of a yin monster, Lin Fuqing didn’t expect that this gravely injured and still weak child would react even faster than himself.

Lin Fuqing saw a red shadow flash before his eyes and when she fell into his arms, he realized that it was Yu Hongtang, who had merely moments ago been jumping happily beside the table. The boy in black had suddenly and abruptly pushed her toward him.

Fang Zhiyuan was pale-faced yet his movements were as quick as lightning. He had already grabbed the iron knife from the corner of the table, dropping the scabbard to the ground with a dull thud!

Lin Fuqing hugged the stunned Yu Hongtang, completely surprised.

Someone blocked him behind.

This wasn’t uncommon.

What was surprising was that it was the boy who was blocking him, which he found very strange.

He’d never seen anyone like this before…

He’d traveled across the land several times and had seen kind and tolerant people who protected the weak with a chivalrous spirit. In fact, he had seen many of them because he made a point of visiting them.

But from what Lin Fuqing had seen, all those protectors were powerful and kind.

The strong protected the weak, and the kind showed sympathy for others.

This was the common sense of the world.

However, this young man in front of him, who was tempered by the malice of the world, was so weak, his cultivation so low, and his character obviously not at all “gentle and kind.”

But when danger came, he didn’t ask Lin Fuqing to protect him, nor did he pull him to escape. Instead, he subconsciously drew his sword and stood in front of him, wanting to protect himself who was significantly stronger.

He seemed to have picked up a strange person.

A kind of understanding dawned, and Lin Fuqing put Yu Hongtang down and stood up. He placed a hand on the boy’s tensed shoulder and said, “You haven’t finished your porridge yet. Sit down.”

Fang Zhiyuan froze and turned his head to stare at him in disbelief.

He watched as white jade-like fingers stretched out to the wooden table and grabbed the chopstick holder. Lin Fuqing held the chopstick holder and walked slowly to the window filled with dark clouds.

“Are you crazy!? Come back quickly—“

Lin Fuqing turned around and smiled at him. The young immortal pushed open the window, his action so casual that it even seemed a little lazy.

The yin monster turned into a black vortex and rushed over with a scream. Lin Fuqing shook the chopstick holder in his hand, and the dozen or so wooden chopsticks in the holder flew out with alarming force.

Fang Zhiyuan’s pupils contracted.

They were swords.

What was reflected in his pupils were clearly swords.

More than ten extremely sharp swords flew out of the window into the sky, slashing out more than a hundred sword intents in mid-air.

The sword was faster than the wind, faster than lightning, faster than the malice of human hearts, and naturally faster than the shrill screams of the yin monsters as they died. Spiritual energy splashed everywhere, and the yin qi visible to the naked eye dissipated into strings of black smoke.

The dark clouds broke, revealing the sun.

Cling…

Mission completed, the swords fell to the ground one after another.

The moment they hit the ground, it was suddenly remembered that they’re not swords at all, but just ordinary chopsticks used for eating.

Fang Zhiyuan lowered his gaze, knowing that he had just done something unnecessary and stupid. But his actions were born out of habit, so he didn’t feel embarrassed at all.

He casually stuck the iron knife into the ground, leaned quietly at the table, finished his porridge, sheathed the knife, and walked towards the door in silence.

Unexpectedly, the youth behind him moved, stopping in front of him. He looked at him with a pair of clear eyes, and said with his pale red lips, “Wait, I changed my mind.”

Fang Zhiyuan: “…….”

Lin Fuqing’s slender white fingers were lightly pressed against the door.

He said seriously, “You can’t leave.”

Fang Zhiyuan looked at him as if he was a madman on the street. Without hesitation, he raised his hand, unsheathed the iron knife, and chopped it down fiercely towards Lin Fuqing’s side.

Lin Fuqing seemed to have anticipated that the kid was a little crazy, so he remained calm when he saw Fang Zhiyuan suddenly attack without saying a word.

He pointed calmly.

…Poor little calamity star, he had no power to resist Lin Fuqing. He was stunned by the blow, lost consciousness without even a groan, and fell into the arms of the boy in white.

Yu Hongtang jumped and clapped with sparkling eyes. Giggling, she said, “Gun gege, you’re so naughty! Qing’er gege picked you up. Now you belong to him, just like Xiao Hongtang!”

For a long period of time spanning two lifetimes, this experience remained an unshakable psychological shadow on Immortal Sovereign Fang.

He felt that Lin Fuqing was just acting on impulse, just like picking up a sick dog in the rain, picking him up by the scruff of the neck and bringing him into Xuyun to raise him as a pet.

Because of this, he’d tried so hard to catch up with Lin Fuqing. He was full of pride and wanted to prove something in stubborn unwillingness.

It wasn’t until a long, long time later, when everything had settled and they could finally retire in peace, that the Demon Lord confessed to him with a wry smile.

“It was because I suddenly realized that if I didn’t keep you, I would surely die.”

 

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