Yi Ran’s smile was helpless. “He always liked to attribute all the errors to himself, I know…Xiao Zhao, you should go back to rest.”
Gu Tingchuan liked to work for long periods of time, was always very particular about certain things, was introverted and reserved, was prone to treat work with a passionate mindset. So, all things considered, it was understandable that he was reluctant to share his inner world with her.
Yi Ran absentmindedly looked at the empty living room, completely bereft of any trace of anger. A few weeks ago, he was eating breakfast here, chatting with her, and then dealing with the work that had been purposefully delayed for a night.
But now, Gu Tingchuan had returned to his studio and all she saw was the brown-walled iron gate that he put up to isolate himself from the world. This fortress had been unbreakable for so many years, and she did not have the courage to open it.
The weather outside was cloudy, and the weather forecast predicted that there might be a light snowfall in the next few days. Dark clouds were now rolling over from the north, howling and spreading over the entire city.
After a while, heavy snow fell onto the ground, and the outside world became a silver-clad garden. The vehicles parked outside were soon covered with a thick layer of frost and snow. It seemed as if the whole world was sleeping.
In the evening, Yi Ran insisted on delivering food to Gu Tingchuan. She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. When she didn’t get a response, she tried to turn the door handle. Fortunately, it was unlocked and she was able to open the door.
In fact, she had entered the studio many times before, but she had not taken the time to observe it carefully. Currently, the strong smell of coffee suffused the room, and the spacious curtains were pulled opened.
Gu Tingchuan was standing by the table with things piled messily up by his feet. There was a TV attached to the left wall that was likely also used for video conferencing.
Yi Ran didn’t have time to look at these things and was focused on the man. Fortunately, he didn’t look at her indifferently and didn’t rush her out but remained silent.
She persuaded him in a worried tone, “Your sleep has always been bad. Don’t drink too much coffee. It can upset your sleep cycle.”
“I know, it’s okay.”
Gu Tingchuan said this but his sight was focused on the movie being played on the TV. Occasionally, his gaze would drop to the books and documents in his hands.
She set down the plate and tried to talk to him about recent events. “Oh right, do you remember that my friend is a doctor at a psychology center? She praised you for being particularly precise about the character’s psychological state.”
Gu Tingchuan didn’t look back, but his voice had a hint of amusement. “Really.”
“I made dim sum with a new recipe, which was hell-level difficult. Would you like to try it?”
He just nodded, “Okay, just leave it.”
No matter what she said, the topic was often simply ended by him.
Yi Ran sighed and turned slowly toward the door. When she looked up sideways, she saw the puffs of white snowflakes floating outside the window, gently flowing like waves of catkins rippling in mid-air. It looked extraordinarily beautiful.
She suddenly froze.
The city of S had not have such heavy snowfall in many years. The sky hung low and heavy, and the branches outside were pulled into disorder by the fierce wind, causing them to creak and groan. The longed for snowstorm had arrived.
She wanted to enjoy snow, tea, and reading with him.
But, just looking at their current state, this dream seemed impossible.
The entire huge studio was now like a perpetual motion machine, without stopping for even a moment. Gu Tingchuan continued to spread more and more things on the carpet.
In the middle of the night, Yi Ran felt the man settled into bed to rest but he seemed to lay for a while, unable to fall asleep and kept tossing and turning in bed.
She wondered if she should say a few words to him, but before she could speak, he got out of bed again and left.
Gu Tingchuan’s meals also became very small. Even if she sent food to him and waited inside, he wouldn’t eat much.
He poured a lot of coffee to refresh himself, and she also saw him standing in front of the screen from time to time, watching the same movies repeatedly…
After so many days in a row, Yi Ran couldn’t stand the atmosphere anymore. The next day, she stepped into his work room, opened her mouth and shouted, “Gu Tingchuan!”
She was really angry.
Yi Ran’s character was not so forgiving, but because of her adoration and admiration for him, she had unknowingly suppressed her temper.
“I keep telling you that I hope you can tell me about your work, your ideas, anything. But you never seem to take it seriously. Is it really that difficult for us to communicate?”
Gu Tingchuan seemed to be confused and dispirited. He looked down at the pen that had made numerous marks on the white paper in front of him and absentmindedly said, “No, you don’t need to worry about me. I just have a lot of things that needed to be addressed.”
Gu Tingchuan had a cold temperament and had never been good at interpersonal communications. They had married under such unfamiliar circumstances, and these resulting obstacles was a ticking time bomb in their marriage. Now, it finally detonated.
“You’re not working. You’re hurting yourself and consuming your health!” She answered, almost gritting her teeth.
Gu Tingchuan rubbed his eyebrows and replied casually, “You should also be clear about what happened these days. I need some time to think about future plans…”
“You can think about it, but did you know that the movie you directed had been thrown on dozens of streets?!”
Yi Ran knew that he was unwilling to speak, so she quickly added more words. “Why do you persecute yourself like this? I know that the Gu family was counting on you, and I know that so many fans loved you, but so what? Failed or not, wouldn’t it be better if you started over from the beginning? Are you, Gu Tingchuan, not allowed to fall on the streets once in a while? Who prescribed it? ”
She took a big breath before continuing, “Also, is it really such an embarrassing thing to tell others what’s in your heart? I’ll tell you the truth. I had already watched Homecoming, and I can also tell you what I don’t like. One of the protagonists died, and the other was left worse than death. Almost everyone in the film runs counter to their original intention! Gu Tingchuan, do you dare to face your problem? How many people said that your film was too lifeless? Wouldn’t it be great if you changed it? ”
Gu Tingchuan looked down at the table and did not see Yi Ran’s red eyes. His expression was forbearing as he faintly said, “I can’t think of anything else to take next.”
Yi Ran paused for a moment. She suddenly realized that, in front of her very eyes, he seemed to have lost a layer of his former brightness, leaving only a pair of eyes black as ink.
“I’m not concerned about those ‘failures’ that have already passed,” he said quietly, sitting on the chair and still not looking up: “But I never felt this way. I’ve lost inspiration.”
That was a the worst nightmare for creators.
The studio was boring and dreadful, and the cold weather just made the surrounding temperature more harsh. Yi Ran heard his voice as a sigh. “So, I can only think of my own way.”
His meaning was very obvious. She could not do anything for him, nor could she stop him.
“But why not try to make more changes? Your life is different from the past …”
Gu Tingchuan shook his head. There were so many meanings to this little action. It could signify that he did not want to change. It could also express his helplessness, as if he couldn’t help himself…
Yi Ran only felt that …it turned out that she really was not needed. From beginning to end, they were just a married couple and did not have the kind of intimate husband and wife relationship that allowed them to rely on each other in all matters.
Her fiery heart was extinguished halfway, as if a basin of cold water had been poured over her from head to toe. Her hands and feet froze momentarily, then she calmed down and said, “Oh, then you keep busy. I know it.”
When Gu Tingchuan realized what she had said and looked up, he only saw her thin and soft back. His heart lurched with an unknown emotion. He was very unaccustomed to it, but he also didn’t want to reject it. He parted his mouth to speak…..
She closed the door forcefully behind her.
The moment Yi Ran stepped out of the studio, a sense of powerlessness washed over her. She slid onto the floor, feeling helpless and distressed. But what could she do? She couldn’t pry open a person’s heart.
Although she really wanted to say to him: Gu Tingchuan, no matter what happened, can you talk to me? Gu Tingchuan, as long as you can open your heart, you will know that I am here. Even if it can’t change the situation of losing inspiration, but at least it can make you feel better.
She lowered her head, tears suddenly falling down like strings of pearls.
The person who lived in her heart was so high that no matter how desperately she tried to catch up, she couldn’t catch up with him after all.
She was just an ordinary elementary school teacher. How could she understand the burden of a “genius” with a creative block?
At this moment, Yi Ran felt that her mood was darker than the sky outside the house, like all the accumulated undercurrents these days had suddenly washed over her. She couldn’t support it, and it was swallowing her whole.
She wiped away the tears with the back of her hand, wondering how else she could help him.
She also wanted to be happy, which may help Gu Tingchuan out of his predicament…
But, she couldn’t fake happiness.
This situation made her even more worried. Perhaps it would be necessary to adjust the status quo. Otherwise, they will only drag each other into the mud, slowly sinking and finally choking.
The early morning found Yi Ran in the kitchen. She hadn’t slept through most of the night and was now roasting coffee and making omelette. Soon, the aroma drifted through the room.
While looking at the snow outside the window, Yi Ran saw Gu Tingchuan’s coming out of the studio from the corner of her eyes. His complexion was unhealthily white, and he probably hadn’t slept much. His whole person seemed fuzzy and out of reach.
She knew deep down that she was not so insignificant in Gu Tingchuan’s heart. It was just that he hadn’t gotten used to it yet.
“I have a few words to say to you.”